'Yeah, then go and cry about it': Female developer snaps back at male coworker who verbally attacks her

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 21, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Being the only member of any given marginalized group in a room full of people can be stressful. You might feel outnumbered like the world is against you. This can be especially true in the workplace. If you're part of a team where you're the only one of a marginalized identity, then you might face certain prejudices. Let's say, for example, you're the only woman on a team of male computer programmers. 

The field is so male-dominated that this happens all the time. Maybe your teammates are perfect allies and you never have issues with them in the workplace. Or maybe you face daily microaggressions that appear small on the surface but actually have a huge impact on your sense of respect and self-esteem. If you're constantly being mansplained to, you might eventually reach your breaking point. At that point, nobody could really blame you for standing up for yourself.

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  • 01

    AITA: I was yelled at today by a male co worker and clapped back

    I was yelled at today by a male co worker and clapped back. Still unsure if I did the right thing
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10519002624
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That is besides HR. Having a verbal altercation with your coworker is never a good idea. But if you are provoked, do you have the right to clap back? That's the boundary one woman was testing when her male coworker tried her last nerve. Read on to see what happened in the story. 

  • 03
    I was yelled at today by a male co worker and clapped back. Still unsure if I did the right thing I'm part of a team of 6 developers and I'm the only woman in the team. We have several teams and I get along well with everyone. I'm usually thought of us as nice to everyone, and joking around etc. I've heard several co workers tell me that they enjoy working with me.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 04
    Today I got into an altercation with one of my male co workers. He is stubborn and is known to have outbursts at people. Especially if we don't do exactly as he wants us to. He seems to struggle with nuances and gets mad at you if you don't solve something code related in the way that pleases him. He has been working at this company for over 10 years, whereas I've been here for a year so there's that. I've never been micro managed by someone as much as him and he is not even my manager or boss.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 05
    In short, the altercation was this: I was handed a document with descriptions of how certain software components in our code base is intended to work. Some of the descriptions are newly revised, so I have to rewrite code to fit the new description.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 06
    The descriptions were unclear, so I decided to email the engineer who had written the document. He is very well versed into the system design of these components, we can call him M. As I was typing my email, my male co worker exploded and was yelling "I KNOW THESE THINGS, YOU SHOULD ASK ME.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 07
    STOP BOTHERING M". I'm usually cold in these situations and don't really care about his outbursts, but this one really caught me due to his usage of the words "bothering". I was typing a two sentence email, and he made it sound like I was sending M 100 of emails.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 08
    I looked back and responded "I'm sorry, are you my boss or something? I'm emailing him because I want his explanation since he has written this document". And he responded by saying "you're so ride, that's so ride of you" and I was like "yeah, then go and cry about it".
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 09
    When I said the last words, the entire landscape went quiet. Usually no one stands up to this co worker and he is having angry outbursts without anyone stepping in and this is the first time I stood up for myself.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 10
    Did I do something wrong in this situation? Like, is it normal to have these outbursts at co workers? I'm second guessing myself all the time but I really feel like he is the unreasonable one.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 11
    STATIPS
    via Tim Gouw

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12

    Some commenters came to her defense but pointed out her potential mistakes.

    . No_Paper8954 · 19h ago Okay you aren't the a h le. He went ballistic and has done it many times before. Telling him to cry about it is definitely not nearly as bad. BUT it wasn't a smart move. Instead what you should do is every time he lashes out,
    via u/No_Paper8954
  • 13
    report it. This is the only way he will ever stop or be punished. If not and it happens to you, then it's insanely clear that you don't want to be in this company. There is plenty of demand for people in IT, and a lot of companies are even desperate for female employees or over the moon to have them.
    via u/No_Paper8954
  • 14
    mmadriftersbody 19h ago • NTA, at all, I have a coworker that's similar in how he responds when I'm trying to dispatch him on a call or anything. This last time it happened he was yelling how other workers could've covered in and kept saying
    via u/mmadriftersbody
  • 15
    how "sick of this " he is and I just turned around and stared at him a minute and responded "You know. I am too, because of you. How about we do our job and everyone get along?" and he
    via u/mmadriftersbody
  • 16
    hasn't had an outburst with me since. Sometimes these guys let their experience go to their head and will think they know everything and too good. (this is not at all a dig to all, this is just what my first hand experience is)
    via u/mmadriftersbody
  • 17
    iheartwords • 19h ago . NTA but the part where you told him to go cry about it was painfully immature and doesn't reflect well on you. Next time, tell him that how he communicates is uncalled for his outbursts are - disrespectful and in the future you won't respond to any unprofessional behavior.
    via u/iheartwords
  • 18
    JoePNW2 18h ago . He sounds very emotional .. hysterical, even. Also, he should smile more. You: NTA
    via u/JoePNW2
  • 19
    CaptainBoltagon • 19h ago . NTA. Sounds like no one ever stands up to him, and if he doesn't wanna be treated like a kid he shouldn't act like one
    via u/CaptainBoltagon
  • 20
    Ibbl95 19h ago . Everybody saying YTA, please grow a spine will you! OP you did nothing wrong, these people need a reality check once in a while because everybody let's him get away with his behavior since they are to much of a pushover.
    via u/Ibbl95
  • 21
    nikkesen 19h ago NTA. Why does he care that you asked the person who wrote the original descriptions in the first place? Sounds like he's looking for a fight but lost before it began.
    via u/nikkesen
  • 22
    trixceratops 17h ago I find the phrase "can we speak about this later when you are less emotional?" To be quite useful in these situations. It's also hilarious to use against adult men who scream at people at work. It sounds polite and like you are trying to deescalate, but it
    via u/trixceratops
  • 23
    also really points out that you think they are acting unprofessional and childish. NTA because yelling at coworkers is never okay and someone needs to point that out to him.
    via u/trixceratops
  • 24
    kummer5peck • 19h ago NTA, but that was a poor decision. When a co worker is acting poorly you never lower yourself to their level. Now if HR gets involved you are both in hot water.
    via u/kummer5peck
  • 25
    fancy-kitten • 19h ago You are definitely NTA but there may be a reason why nobody else stands up to this bu y. Sometimes doing the right thing, that is totally justified, can have unfortunate consequences
    via u/fancy-kitten
  • 26
    BetterThanSydney 19h ago NTA. As I read this, I was imagining him as an overgrown child having a tantrum. Go tf off, homie
    via u/BetterThanSydney
  • 27
    Particular-Pound5... 19h ago NTA but you need to learn to handle yourself in a professional environment if you want to succeed in your career. I hate some of the people I work with too, you gotta be business conniving not playground conniving
    via u/Particular-Pound5658
  • 28
    stephenBB81 • 18h ago NTA - your go cry about it was childish yes, but not AH behavior the first time. When dealing with a toddler, no matter their age, arguing with them on there level doesn't move the conversation forward. This toddler coworker brought you down to their level.
    via u/stephenBB81
  • 29
    Work on a set of responses to him that you can rely on in these tense moments that are professional. I find the phrase "With respect," prior to a cutting comment makes others around you know you're keeping your cool but this person is of their rocker.
    via u/stephenBB81
  • 30
    So a good response to the "that's so ride of you" would have been, "with respect, you coming in and yelling at me was ride. I'm doing what I feel is best for this project." and then turning away and going back to your work. Don't feed him, shut him down and let other people. see that it is ok to bite back and ignore.
    via u/stephenBB81

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boss antiwork workplace-stories toxic-workplace job bosses work coworkers prejudice working reddit story toxic-boss feminism workplace reddit thread bad bosses Reddit women toxic-work-environment
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